He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
