is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
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