you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
