i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
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