so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
