atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
