What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
time to smoke my breakfast
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
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he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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