This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
