I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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