If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
