I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Your cock deserves a montage
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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