Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
