new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
