Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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