Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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