I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize
