if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
