Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
