just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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