Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
