It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
this is an emotional support booty call
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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