The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
