I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize