I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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