my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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