the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
