fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
