wrigley field is MILF paradise
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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