Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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