dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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