Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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