I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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