Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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