he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
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My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
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My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I forget how to act sober
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