You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dick very happy bro
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
