you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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