I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize