I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
