I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize