There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Randomize
