Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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