my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
