It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
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