last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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