Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
