I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
