3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We left the knife in your bed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
