I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
