i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
