in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
