So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
