At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
