I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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