I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
