I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
