i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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