2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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