Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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