Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
