How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
