yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
