either way he was missing a nipple.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
